The night still seems so vivid- It was my birthday dinner almost 4 years ago. We were out with my parents at a nice Italian restaurant. I had just ordered, sipped on a glass of red wine questioning if this was a good time to broach the subject or not. My parents are used to me dreaming big dreams and being passionate about my latest "cause," but how do I relay to them that this is one that we REALLY feel called to- Foster Care. We were in the midst of grieving a miscarriage and struggling with infertility, but I didn't want them, or anyone else, to think that was why we were getting in to fostering... it was so much deeper than that.
After a few more sips of wine, Joel and I told them that we wanted to pursue getting certified and wanted their opinion. Among other insight, their top concern was our son, Isaiah. He was 3 years old at the time.
What will this do to him?
Aren't you putting him in danger?
How will he emotionally handle this?
Won't that be hard for him to attach and have to say goodbye?
It was a good quality conversation that led to some hard questions that we were already asking ourselves. It's one thing to sign up for something like this, but we are signing up our son as well for this lifestyle. There was a lot of fear of putting him in danger, a bad situation, or inviting in some sort of emotional trauma.
We started to pray and ask God if this is in Isaiah's best interest. And God answered with another question:
"Do you think I would call you out in to fostering without thinking of Isaiah too? I love him more than you do."
Good point.
Throughout the training and even in to our first placement, that fear over him started to dwindle because he was showing us every day that he was made for this. It wasn't just about Isaiah being OK living this lifestyle, but he was teaching us how to do it. It is over and beyond what we could have expected- He handles it better than we do because this is his norm.
He even explains fostering to others better than I do:
"Sometimes Mommys and Daddys can't take care of their kids for awhile, so we get to take care of them until they get better. If they don't get better, then they can go to new Mommys and Daddys or they stay with us forever."
The other day, I was selfishly feeling a little sad knowing that our current foster son will be moving back home in the next month. I'm going to miss him and I know that our home won't feel the same without him. I sat down with Isaiah to prepare him, always wanting him to be appropriately in the "loop."
Me: "Isaiah, it sounds like E will be going back to his mom in the next month. I just want to let you know that he won't be with us for too much longer."
Isaiah: Clapping. "YAY! Mom, that is so great!! WhooHoo!"
Me: (a little caught of guard because I know how much he loves him) "Really? You are excited about this?"
Isaiah: "Ya, Mom... it's what we always hope for. It means his mom is better. Every kid should be able to be with their mommy."
It IS what we hope for and it took my 6 year old to remind me...
Later in the week, I was getting ready in the bathroom while Isaiah was playing with the babies in the nursery. I heard him talking to them:
"Sam, you will ALWAYS be my brother. I will always love you. And.. E, you know what? You will always be my brother too. Even if you don't live here any more, you will always be my brother and I will always love you."
He didn't know I was listening....completely unprompted. This is unguarded love.
Sometimes in this dark world, I just want to pull my kids in and put a bubble around them, protecting them against any sight of destruction or hurt. There is beauty in a mama's heart to protect her children. I also know I would be missing out if I sheltered my son too much from the reality of what is going on globally and in our own community. He teaches me every day how to love relentlessly.
We get so frustrated that the youth in our culture act so privileged and entitled, yet if we keep turning their eyes away they won't see anything outside of their own little bubble. Our kids and youth have an untainted passion to actually DO something about injustice in this world if we let them. It's inspiring. With appropriate guidance, we can train them up to be a generation that has a huge impact on this world by modeling it ourselves.... and at the same time, they can teach us in more ways than we know.
My biggest prayer for my children is that they will grow up to love so boldly that they spread light in to this dark world. I want my kids growing up knowing this is the norm...this is what we do... we help, we serve, we love.
"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." - Proverbs 22:6
i love this, lisa! i'm always praying for wisdom and opportunities on how to teach this crucial truth to our boys. so thankful that you all pursued this calling! love you.
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